this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
