I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
