Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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