Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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