Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
