mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
