Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
