Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize