I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
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how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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