yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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