At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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