only you would photoshop your dick
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
