I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
