i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?