Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.