He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice