don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
