Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize