Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.