I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.