Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
