Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
someone owes me an orgasm
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
