you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
