I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
