I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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