I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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