Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
why do cheetos always look like penises
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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