did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
