Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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