reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
