He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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