A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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