Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
