there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Randomize
