That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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