that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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