Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
