HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
