he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize