I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm like, not good at living.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
