I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
