he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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