i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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