As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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