So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
