you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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