pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
