Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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