Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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