Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
