At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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