wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
