Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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