I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
