she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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