your room smells of hookers.
And success
this beer tastes like vomit already
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You pole danced in your parka.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
