Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
