Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
