worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
