Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
