im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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