Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
