why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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