I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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