Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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