I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
