I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
