I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
