This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
