Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
