highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
